One of the feelings I'm enjoying these days is the empowerment to know that I am doing this. When I began the program, I remember feeling like I was giving over my power to take control of my health and eating to Dr. Rutledge. I knew I had to give it to somebody because I obviously couldn't be trusted with it.
In spite of him saying repeatedly, "I'll commit to you when you're ready to commit to you", I wasn't seeing the forest through the trees. I was just seeing a really strong tree in front of me that was helping me hold up my overweight branches.
But he was right. While he was my crutch to get me to commit and begin my healing (for I do now fully believe that to go on a diet is not to punish or restrict, but to heal and mend the poor choices and ways you've disregarded your body), I was the one doing the healing work.
Imagine breaking your leg. The doctor comes in and aligns your bones and sets it into a cast. He also gives you a pair of crutches. For the next six to eight weeks you will be in contact with that doctor as he monitors your healing and your progress. But does he "fix" your broken bone? Of course not. You do. By being gentle with yourself. Taking your time. Listening to your body and what it needs, not what it wants. And as your leg mends, the doctor continues to push you and encourage you with exercises to regain your strength. But is your doctor the one walking on the treadmill and eventually running to make it strong? No, it's you. It's all up to you.
He's not a shoe repairman that you take your broken heel to and say, "call me when it's ready". This is a process of healing and involves the far-to-often taken-for-granted natural abilities of our bodies.
As I sit here typing this today, I'm overwhelmed at the idea that I am the one responsible for my healing. For making the right choices in the last 52 days that has taken 54 pounds off of my body. Talk about motivation to continue. When you find it within your own heart, you are unstoppable.
None of this is to take away from the invaluable importance of Dr. Rutledge and the BTL program. When you break your leg, you don't just ice it and duct tape a stick to your leg. You get the required and appropriate help from your doctor. He commits to you, that he will do his part to ease the pain and get you realigned, but only after you reached out to him and continually so during the process. It is a collaborative team effort with the work load riding on your own shoulders.
Do you know how empowering it is to know that the work is on my shoulders and that I don't need to depend on the doctor or anyone else to make better choices for myself?
I still have 82 pounds to go, but I've never known such confidence that it is only a matter of time until I get there. I now fully understand what it means to commit to myself and I am thankful to have the doctor and this program just as committed to my recovery.
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